#9 – Expose Wendy Williams as the ugly, gangly, big footed man she really is; Arsenio Hall.

#8 – Remind Amy Winehouse that even with new titties a beaten horse is still a beaten horse.

#7 – Expose child beauty pageants for what they are; secret pedophile conventions.

#6 – Out a group of sleeper cells on Twitter, causing them to blow themselves up out of shame.

#5 – Find future TV speeches on Swine Flu, replace all instances of “H1N1″ with “H.N.I.C.”.

#4 – Be “That Guy” when a situation needs it. Fuck em if they can’t take a joke. It’s MY show.

#3 – Call out bullshit the moment it happens. Not to be malicious, just honest. Get over it.

#2 – Punch Kanye in his clavicle causing it to dislocate if he acts up just once. JUST ONCE!

#1 – Emerge from The Great Depression of 2010 alive, wealthy, better, stronger, faster!!