The Official Blog of La Mott Jackson

#10 – To give Cancer Alzheimer’s. Hopefully it will drink Clorox on the rocks…from a shoe.

L

“H1N1″ replaces “Swine Flu” because that term offended pig farmers. Pigs would have filed the complaint themselves but they were too busy getting hacked to death by none other than guess who?

L

A new show on the Oxygen channel titled “Dance your ass off”. Pits full figured contestants against each other to lose weight by dancing which causes false positives on Richter scales in China, not to mention breaking as many crystal figurines in old age homes as possible. The flop, ass, and titty sweat alone will result in a spin off show to air on BET titled “Swim Your Ass Off” in which 8 black contestants compete to out swim the impending swass tsunami wearing nothing but Cheese Tims, oversized full length Mitchell & Ness Jerseys and fat gold chains.
The title “Dance your ass off” has sparked a controversy of sorts when advertised elsewhere as it’s often edited. Now I’d like to present to you upcoming reality show titles and they’re synopsis that are breaking ground with their vulgar titles.

“The P*ssy & The Pumpkin”
To air on the CW.
8 number 4’s on a Tuesday compete to win the love of a pizza faced, anti-social ass whos gained fame by becoming the first ever “Second Life” terrorist. Various challenges will take place, one which is titled “Rate my face, not my log” in which the girls take only overhead shots of themselves inside of various port-a-pottys. The loser gets their box tipped over and sent home looking like the brown swamp thing with an official limited edition “Fail” t-shirt from Urban Outfitters.

“Marry, *uck, or Kill: The Ponzi Edition”
Mid-season replacement on CNBC.
Hosted by Bernie Madoff and filmed from the Oswald state penitentiary, “Marry, *uck, or Kill” is a game show in which 6 new fish battle it out to win the most amount of cigarettes while avoiding the inevitable fate of the title. Afterwards the winner can invest his cigs in an investment scheme which might win him a conjugal visit behind cell #1, a glory hole with a question mark on it or cell #2 a handjob from a trannie with eczema on his hands.

“I’m just *uckin wit ya”
Summer series on to air on MTV
Hosted by Nick Cannon, “I.J.*.W.Y” is a prank game show in which 6 hypochondriacs are put in situations in hopes of invoking what they believe to be the worst case scenario. Will one believe they have a cold, or Swine Flu in HD after smelling what he thinks is a chemical spill, which in fact turns out to be Ralphie May in the next room running on a treadmill?. Will another be convinced that the end of the world is near after being told Richard Simmons was found dead inside the body of Michael Jackson during an autopsy?. Each test hopes to bring each player to the brink of comical insanity before being told (crowd in unison) “I’M JUST *UCKIN WIT YA!”