The Official Blog of La Mott Jackson » Live Blogs

The Comedy Central Roast of Joan Rivers

admin — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 00:50:12 +0000

Yeah, yeah, I get that it’s a recorded event. I’m doing this cause it’s fun. Hope you stick around to read it. I’ll be posting often from my dashboard so just refresh the page to view new post. Enjoy!

10:00: Let the games begin!
10:01: God I hope this is good.
10:02: Kathy Griffin, sexy at 203.
10:03: Speaking of talent out tonight, where’s Don Rickles at?. Carl Reiner’s the only old school person from Joan’s past to show up?.
10:03: When did Kathy start sounding like Harvey Fierstein?
10:05: Run the Montage!, oddly no “Tonight Show” footage is present.
10:07: Please welcome Madam ladies & gentlemen!!
10:08: A nice touch coming out with the pets…I mean kids.
10:09: Nice line of jokes Kathy’s running about Joan.
10:10: Why bleep out “cunt” we already know she smells like one.
10:11: Greg’s up, he’s so good at this. His writing is sick.
10:12: “Beauty & the Deceased”, Golden.
10:13: Greg’s 5 o’clock shadow makes him look like a dirty terrier.
10:14: “Rubber Faced Monsters”.
10:16: “A surprised Catfish” Holy shit that’s funny.
10:16: As always Greg was great, but I’m worried now that he’s gone it’s all down hill from here. We shall see after the break.
10:21: No Michael & Michael have issue commercials please. More Comedy Central Dreck.
10:22: The first woman of the night is up, Mario!
10:23: So hard to believed I LOVED watching this guy on “Steampipe Alley”.
10:24: I know the Betty Davis & Stockard Channing impressions are coming.
10:24: Wow, that Michael Jackson joke tanked Mario. Sorry.
10:25: Why the asskissing to wrap it up. It’s not like Joan has power in the business, she’s dead for God’s sake.
10:26: Tom Arnold……yep (crickets)
10:27: You redid the same joke?. It sucked either way he told it.
10:28: Who’s Whitney Cummings?. With that name I hope she does porn.
10:29: Maybe if Tom ate Rosanne’s ass for a few minutes before he went up his set might have been….adequate, and not the D.N.R. it turned out to be.
10:31: Ugh, Tom ended with a dribbler. Use a wipe please.
10:35: Donald Trump, the millionaire with the hair of a decomposed calico.
10:37: Jeff Ross this man has the face of a wet dog in a Sarah Mclaughlin commercial.
10:39: As always Jeff is killing.
10:41: I love the acknowledgment that Robin Quivers wouldn’t be anything (is she now?) without Howard Stern.
10:42: Can we stop with the “but I kid ladies & gentlemen, she’s a legend & a diva”, ugh, it’s a roast, back peddling isn’t allowed nor needed ya got that?.
10:46: Carl Reiner, He showed up in Black & White.
10:48: Carl’s balls must have more wrinkles than the oldest tree…in Joan’s cunt.
10:50: I think this might be the first Comedy Central Roast where at least two people are wearing Depends, Carl…and Gilbert.
10:51: As soon as Carl said “Cunt”, he lost a lil urine.
10:52: Sudden appearance by Melissa Rivers, hire to the hive mind.
10:54: A trailer for Gamer…when are we gonna stop these “Matrixish” type story lines and come up with something original?
10:58: Brad Garrett is up, Ray Romano’s taint scratcher.
11:00: Isn’t this the part when Brad opens up his chest to show wires & lights?…oh, wrong actor.
11:01: Again with the pandering.
11:06: Robin Quivers, Dark meat, that ONLY likes white meat. And yes, I can talk so fuck ya all.
11:08: An Edgar joke, Bravo R.Q. Gotta give you credit for that one.
11:10: “Loved you in Saw” Nice.
11:11: Whitney who?…is this the piss break?.
11:14: Good “Old Vagina” Joke.
11:19: Don, how the fuck is he not on the dais?. Comedy Central is really retarded.
11:20: Gilbert should bring some serious funny back to this roast.
11:21: LOVE the molester jokes. Yeah, Gilbert’s bringing funny back for shizzle!
11:24: I’m totally in to this story Gilbert’s telling. Hilarious!.
11:26: You know what, I saw the punchline to that Brad Garrett / Mario Cantone joke coming and I still laughed.
11:27: God damn you Gilbert, you fucking killed.
11:31: The vulture of the evening!!
11:33: I knew Joan was gonna kill. God damn she’s amazing with her ole ass.
11:34: SHE IS MURDERING!.
11:35: This is why this woman is a fucking legend.
11:38: Joan for Crossing Guard in 2012!!
11:39: Wow, all that and the only funny standouts were Greg, Gilbert, & Joan.

This was so-so. It could have been a much better roast, more so like the Dennis Leary or Flava Flav ones. When is Comedy Central gonna get proper people to participate in these events.

The dais should have had more old schoolers from her day. They used to roast each other all the time and it was wicked shit. I guess til I one day become a Comedy Central exec I’ll just have to deal with the shit they put together now.

Goodnight Humans, my fingers are tired.

Michael Jackson Memorial Live Blog

admin — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 17:50:08 +0000

1:49pm – Queen Latifah is up, reading a piece from Maya Angelou…Sheesh, I thought Palin’s resignation speech was a ramblefest.

1:50pm – Breaking down & crying while speaking is akin to the swelling music cutting someone off during an Oscar acceptance speech.

1:51pm – Lionel Richie’s singing. I take this time to rewind my DVR to see that they’ve brought MJ’s casket to the memorial…all it takes is one fan, just one, to jump on top of it to make it feel like every italian, african-american, polish, and irish funeral I’ve been to.

2:01pm – “MJ, the greatest entertainer ever lived” Elvis fans everywhere are livid.

2:09pm – Stevie Wonder’s up. If a blind man cries, does he see it?.

2:11pm – Stevie’s head isn’t wagging back and forth as much. Even his body language is saddend by the loss of MJ.

2:14pm – Is everyone going to inject Michael’s name in to the songs they sing?. If that’s the case I hope Disturbed doesn’t show up singing “Down with the sickness”

2:16pm – It’s so great that “Kagic” showed up.

2:18pm – Magic’s MJ eats KFC story. Remarkable. I smell an emmy folks.

2:20pm – Let’s give a round of applause to them crazy mo’fos Michael’s kids are now left to deal with. Stand up dammit, STAND UP!.

2:21pm – Jennifer Hudson sings. Now this is something I’d pay total attention to.

2:24pm – Why does Mike’s voice sound like it’s coming from inside the casket?

2:28pm – Rev. Al Sharpton…why are you hollering?, the mic’s right there dude.

2:29pm – Al should plug Joe Jackson’s new record label. Cold move my friend, cold move.

2:30pm – Rev. Al earned his place in the Jackson clan with that speech…not really a good thing.

2:35pm – Jon Mayer’s up. Somewhere Jennifer Anniston is crying…that she’s no longer with him and thus not in the Staples center.

2:35pm – I’m feeling this version of Human Nature Mayer’s playing on the guitar, it’s perfect for my elevator, or my personal Doctor’s office waiting room.

2:38pm – Brooke “I said I wasen’t going to cry” Sheilds. No sexual tension between you & Mike huh?. Gee…I wonder why.

2:42pm – Mike & I, giggling like two little….yeah.

2:47pm – Jermaine’s singing “Smile”. I’m wondering if this it’ll collaspes like it does when someone somberly sings “Send in the clowns”.

2:50pm – What I wouldn’t give to be a stockholder in Kleenex this month alone.

2:51pm – MLK’s Son and daughter. Nice to know they’ve taken time off from bickering with the rest of the family to grace us with their presence. By the way I hope these two win their court battle.

3:00pm – Sheila Jackson Lee “Innocent until proven otherwise”?…beeeeeeotch please!.

3:07pm – Usher’s “my marriage was doomed from the start” up.

3:08pm – They showed a pic of Jim Henson holding Kermit while MJ was holding Kermit’s hand. How much you wanna bet MJ spoke to the puppet like it was a real 90lbs frog.

3:09pm – Don’t cry Usher, your last album wasen’t that bad.

3:15pm – Good ole Smokey. I like that suit…no homo.

3:17pm – Who brought the baby?. That’s your +1?…you’re a certified asshole and so is your kid.

3:19pm – Shaheen’s SINGING LOOK!….who?

3:20pm – Easy lil cracker, don’t try to black up the song too much and sprang your throat. Leave that up to Mariah ok?.

3:23pm – Had to interrupt this liveblog to show you this:

What a weirdo

This is Corey Feldman at the Staples center today. Are you fucking serious?. He looks like a non-blurry Michael J. Fox.

3:25pm – We are the world, I saw this coming.

3:28pm – Lionel looks bored. lol

3:35pm – “We love you Michael!!” Yeah, yeah, enough already!.

3:35pm – Jesse Jackson in the background. I hope he doesn’t do any of that ugly crying he did when Obama won on Election night. Looked like wet Playdough.

3:38pm – “Maybe now Michael they’ll leave you alone”…one word “Elvis”.

3:40pm – Paris speaks, she actually has a voice?.

3:41pm – After Paris’s speech there’s now flooding in Los Angeles.

3:42pm – “Thanks for coming out, God Bless, and goodnight”.

3:44pm – Bringing out Paris like that. That’s a “Finish Him!” type move to make everyone cry. Dirty Pool you Jacksons…dirty pool!

3:48pm – The Michael Jackson memorial is official over. I heard there’s an after party at the Latin Quarters and Bentleys. Drink’s are on you!