The Official Blog of La Mott Jackson

I’m officially retiring from using “LOL” in Text messages and online chat. Cause really, do you care if I’m actually laughing out loud at what you say? not to mention I don’t care if you find what I have to say funny, so no need for that nervous “lol” that follows what’s suppose to be a joke. If you don’t get it, ya don’t. No biggie.

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Thanks to Officer Justin Barrett’s racist remarks regarding Professor Skip Gates, he’s officially set Massachusetts back…12 minutes and 42 seconds. What I love is the back pedaling during the press conference. His lawyer; “He didn’t call him a jungle monkey to malign him racially, he stated his behavior was like that of one”. Well, I’m not saying during the press conference that Justin was sweating bullets like a slave who’s on the run from massa, about potentially losing his job but his behavior was like that of one.

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Those new Prius commercials are creepy. Looking at those colorized Mummenschanz actors wiggle like trees and grass makes my nuts run in my body cavity like the first drop on a rollercoaster.

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New Jersey you never cease to amaze me. You’re the Donald Manes (or for the younger generation The Amy Winehouse) of The United States. Congrats on reminding us that you’re the birthplace of Corruption. All this and Camden & Newark, isn’t involved?. We’re watching you two!. Congratulations N.Jizzay, you’ve managed to make Chicago jealous.

For the article in question click here

Because of the air conditioner I don’t feel like I’m sleeping two inches from Satan’s ever puckering asshole. Yeah, my carbon footprint is widening by the minute as I run this 8000 BTU beast on high, but boy is it cool. Thanks Technology!

To honor today’s 40th anniversary of the moonwalk, we all should bounce around like dolls with our arms outstretched, hugging everyone.

If you love Jesus but don’t want to meet him at this juncture in your life, don’t go in the bathroom after I’ve used it. I just let loose a mangler with no leash.

Nothing reminds you more of your place in life & society than a bank account with a negative balance. Fun times!

1:49pm – Queen Latifah is up, reading a piece from Maya Angelou…Sheesh, I thought Palin’s resignation speech was a ramblefest.

1:50pm – Breaking down & crying while speaking is akin to the swelling music cutting someone off during an Oscar acceptance speech.

1:51pm – Lionel Richie’s singing. I take this time to rewind my DVR to see that they’ve brought MJ’s casket to the memorial…all it takes is one fan, just one, to jump on top of it to make it feel like every italian, african-american, polish, and irish funeral I’ve been to.

2:01pm – “MJ, the greatest entertainer ever lived” Elvis fans everywhere are livid.

2:09pm – Stevie Wonder’s up. If a blind man cries, does he see it?.

2:11pm – Stevie’s head isn’t wagging back and forth as much. Even his body language is saddend by the loss of MJ.

2:14pm – Is everyone going to inject Michael’s name in to the songs they sing?. If that’s the case I hope Disturbed doesn’t show up singing “Down with the sickness”

2:16pm – It’s so great that “Kagic” showed up.

2:18pm – Magic’s MJ eats KFC story. Remarkable. I smell an emmy folks.

2:20pm – Let’s give a round of applause to them crazy mo’fos Michael’s kids are now left to deal with. Stand up dammit, STAND UP!.

2:21pm – Jennifer Hudson sings. Now this is something I’d pay total attention to.

2:24pm – Why does Mike’s voice sound like it’s coming from inside the casket?

2:28pm – Rev. Al Sharpton…why are you hollering?, the mic’s right there dude.

2:29pm – Al should plug Joe Jackson’s new record label. Cold move my friend, cold move.

2:30pm – Rev. Al earned his place in the Jackson clan with that speech…not really a good thing.

2:35pm – Jon Mayer’s up. Somewhere Jennifer Anniston is crying…that she’s no longer with him and thus not in the Staples center.

2:35pm – I’m feeling this version of Human Nature Mayer’s playing on the guitar, it’s perfect for my elevator, or my personal Doctor’s office waiting room.

2:38pm – Brooke “I said I wasen’t going to cry” Sheilds. No sexual tension between you & Mike huh?. Gee…I wonder why.

2:42pm – Mike & I, giggling like two little….yeah.

2:47pm – Jermaine’s singing “Smile”. I’m wondering if this it’ll collaspes like it does when someone somberly sings “Send in the clowns”.

2:50pm – What I wouldn’t give to be a stockholder in Kleenex this month alone.

2:51pm – MLK’s Son and daughter. Nice to know they’ve taken time off from bickering with the rest of the family to grace us with their presence. By the way I hope these two win their court battle.

3:00pm – Sheila Jackson Lee “Innocent until proven otherwise”?…beeeeeeotch please!.

3:07pm – Usher’s “my marriage was doomed from the start” up.

3:08pm – They showed a pic of Jim Henson holding Kermit while MJ was holding Kermit’s hand. How much you wanna bet MJ spoke to the puppet like it was a real 90lbs frog.

3:09pm – Don’t cry Usher, your last album wasen’t that bad.

3:15pm – Good ole Smokey. I like that suit…no homo.

3:17pm – Who brought the baby?. That’s your +1?…you’re a certified asshole and so is your kid.

3:19pm – Shaheen’s SINGING LOOK!….who?

3:20pm – Easy lil cracker, don’t try to black up the song too much and sprang your throat. Leave that up to Mariah ok?.

3:23pm – Had to interrupt this liveblog to show you this:

What a weirdo

This is Corey Feldman at the Staples center today. Are you fucking serious?. He looks like a non-blurry Michael J. Fox.

3:25pm – We are the world, I saw this coming.

3:28pm – Lionel looks bored. lol

3:35pm – “We love you Michael!!” Yeah, yeah, enough already!.

3:35pm – Jesse Jackson in the background. I hope he doesn’t do any of that ugly crying he did when Obama won on Election night. Looked like wet Playdough.

3:38pm – “Maybe now Michael they’ll leave you alone”…one word “Elvis”.

3:40pm – Paris speaks, she actually has a voice?.

3:41pm – After Paris’s speech there’s now flooding in Los Angeles.

3:42pm – “Thanks for coming out, God Bless, and goodnight”.

3:44pm – Bringing out Paris like that. That’s a “Finish Him!” type move to make everyone cry. Dirty Pool you Jacksons…dirty pool!

3:48pm – The Michael Jackson memorial is official over. I heard there’s an after party at the Latin Quarters and Bentleys. Drink’s are on you!

I applied for a ticket to Michael’s memorial, not because I can be there (that’s my DVR catch up day,sorry Mike), I did it in hopes of depriving a stalker a chance to make a blubbering idiot of himself on the world stage. Which in turn prevents his parents from committing suicide out of shame. Just doing my part folks.